Temptations and Tithes

Can I be really honest today about some stuff?  I'm not even going to write about the Bible right now.  Just putting down thoughts that are floating around in my head.

First off, I want to address the issue of money.  Part of this Radical challenge is that I spend my money for a specific purpose.  This doesn't just mean find something worth while to contribute to and then feel better about myself.  This means giving my money... all of it, sacrificially... for the purpose of recognizing that it does not belong to me, but is a gift from the Lord.  If we are supposed to live like Jesus did, we should not be holding on to worldly possessions.  At first, I was really excited about this.  I liked to think that I was wise about my spending and saving.  I live on a budget (to an extent) and don't spend money unnecessarily.  This meant that I always had extra money in my checking account at the end of the month, so I knew that this money was what God wanted me to use to bless others and make Him known.  But I also knew that I needed to be wise in my spending and not just throw money away so I could say I was getting rid of it.  The first couple of months were around the holidays so I was able to find ministry driven ways to give gifts to people through World Vision, or simply by getting things for people that they needed and not just giving them random stuff.  But, even though I was spending in what I thought was a generous way, I still was not reaching the bottom of my bank account.

After the holidays I really needed to evaluate how the Lord wanted me to be spending my money.  I really love investing time in people, so I began to see that this could also be a way to spend some of my money.  I began taking girls out for dinner or coffee and meeting with them to share in their lives.  I also host dinner at my house every Sunday night for my Sunday school group.  This has been going on for quite a while, but now I see it as another opportunity for me to bless people financially, by providing a meal, rather than feeling like it is a burden each week.  I also just keep my eyes open for ways to help others... like helping with gas, or just being creative with ways to bless people.  When the end of January came, I still hadn't reached that bottom line, but was feeling like I was at least spending money in a way that honored the Lord.

And here we are now in February.  I have been doing the same things this month and spending in the same ways.  And guess what, I have a week left before I get paid again, and I'm lower in my account than I have ever been.  Now, if this was the goal, why do I have feelings of, well, basically panic, instead of rejoicing?  It is entirely ridiculous how tightly I try to hold on to this money.  In all reality, I have a savings account full of money should I actually reach the end of this checking account.  What am I afraid of?!  Even as I sit and write this, though, I am beginning to get excited about the prospect of actually spending all my money this month.  My prayer now is for the Lord to help me see with His eyes over the next week how I can use the blessings He has given me to bring Him glory!  God, get rid of worldly possessions in me so that there is more room for You!

Another thing the Lord has been working on with me is the realization that Jesus was tempted in every way, yet lived a sinless life.  Because He did this, we can turn to Him and learn from His example and follow Him and know that He is sympathetic.  When things were not going His way, Jesus never once gave in to selfish thoughts or ambitions.  He always put others before Himself and beyond that, always served others.  Lord, teach me to not be selfish.  My thoughts continuously jump to how things effect me.  I want to see with Your eyes so that I may love as you love and serve as you serve.  May my every thought and action be for Your glory!